A Big Thank You To All Who Serve

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  To ALL of my Friends Family & Loved Ones who have Ever or are Now Serving in our Armed Forces, Active, Retired, Reserved, Past Present & Future! Thank You!

For those of us that have had or have family member that have been Deployed, we know 1st hand the sacrifices you have made, the Unselfishness you possess, the Unconditional Loyalty Deep within your Soul that you were born with and the Dedication to Never Give Up, Never Stop Fighting the Good Fight, Never Leaving a Man/Woman/Child Behind.

We will never understand completely, the things that you have seen, been thru or endured. The reasons you have nightmares that you never want to talk about. The reasons you have days where you are just Angry for No reason. The emotion you feel when you see a fallen soldier you never met. And we will never feel the amount of Pride that you feel every time you hear the National Anthem sung.

The understanding that the day you signed up for this life, that you wrote a #BlankCheck to the United States of America and every citizen that lives here, to Serve and Protect no matter the cost, up to and including the last breath you take with your life to save a Nation of People whom you will Never Know or probably never meet! So on this #VeteransDay I personally want to Say #ThankYou from the Bottom of my Heart and with All the Love I have Within Me for Sacrificing & being the Unconditionally Unselfish people to do what you do Every Single Day! Today is Your Day as is Every day in my book! And I pray for your safety and that Everyone that you come in contact Solutes you and tells you #ThankYou for your Never Ending Service!

Tribute To All My Strong Women

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Yes Ladies, this is ALL About You today! Woot Woot! The Strong Women! The ones who are there for their family, friends, church, co-workers & charities. Those that people lean on when they need direction. Those that people seek when they need to be told the Truth they know within but don’t want to hear in the consciousness of the awake world.  The ones that flourish in times  f crisis only to break down behind closed doors because we don’t want anyone to know that we have moments of weakness too!

See, I am a Strong Woman! Anyone who knows me personally and knows even just a little of my story, will tell you that they don’t know how I do it.  I am a personal trainer, so I am physically strong. I have battled Depression and almost took my own life, but I fought with everything within me and Won! So I am Emotionally Strong! I am a Mother and a GG, so as all mothers and grandmothers know, we are the backbone of strength for our families. I am a sister with 3 brothers, the oldest and the only girl, so I am tough deep down in my soul.  I could go on with more and more of things that make me and lots of other women on this planet strong, but it is not about just that. It is about how we know, we are also Weak!  We put on a mask for the world to see because we have our “Strong Woman Crown” to wear every day.

There are some, that because they are strong, they are mean, hateful, bullies, demanding and just a plain pain in the ass to be around! (I used to be her! lol) But when in need, people will run to them, because they know this Strong Woman will Get the Job Done!

There are those that help everyone with their crisis but can’t seem to get their own life together, because they have given all they have to everyone else. (Yep, I have been her too… sigh)  Then there are those that “Seem” to have it all together, Happy, Strong, life on point, always lifting others up and nobody knows the brokenness within.  We dare NOT let anyone see our tears. Why? Because of the fear of judgment, that people wont need us any more if they see us at our weakest moments! (Yes, I graduated to this one as well lol)

To ALL of my Ladies, please hear this if you heard nothing that I said above, Let go of the fear of what other people think! Your Gift of Strength was earned!  God Blessed you with it.  But he also gave us the ability to be Strong in our Weakness! Yes, it sucks being strong all the time, especially when we are having our weak moments.  I know you feel like nobody can be there for you, but the truth is, God is there FIRST and Foremost! Realize, he put people in your life to help you when you are weak!

See, I know this because I have some pretty Awesome people who morphed into Superhero Friends when I least expected it! Give them Permission to Love You! To see your tears and let you cry, but also, Not to join your pity party!  Give them permission to Tell you the Truth, like you do them! Give them permission to help you, when you can’t seem to find your own Strength! Contrary to our “Inner Iron Man” or Woman as the case may be, It is Okay to ask for help from those we give help too!  Why should you even consider that you ask?  Here’s the deal, at the time you helped them, they thought they would Never be able to repay you for the Strength you shared in their time of need.  Well guess what, those that are your “True Friends” that you lended that strength to, will be your “Superhero Friends” when you least expect it!

So quit being all grumpy. Quit trying to save the world. Quit thinking crying is a weakness that will Kill You! Truth be told, crying cleanses and heals your soul! Crying will set your heart free! Letting someone else be strong helps you to be human! Being vulnerable makes you Beautiful and Sexy!

NONE of us have it all together all the time… that is just a fact of life! A hard one that I, myself, have difficulty accepting at times. But as I have grown into this most Awesome version of me that God has allowed me to be, I realize that I am Awesome Even When I Cry!

So, Take Your Masks OFF, My Strong Women! Be Beautiful, flaws and all! Embrace all the perfect, imperfections that God gave, to only you and show the World your True Inner Strength! Your Tears!

Sincerely,

One Strong Woman to Another

It’s Your Life So Live It Your Way

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When I saw this picture, it Inspired this post.  It may be a little wordy but it will definitely be worth it 🙂

See, Nobody on this earth makes it out Alive! We ALL are going to Die someday.  We do not know when that someday is for any of us.  Someone, you, me, your neighbor, friend, classmate etc could go any minute today, tomorrow or next year.  I know that sounds scary, but the truth is the truth. That part, quite honestly, shouldn’t even really be a concern to you because the time and place is 100% out of your control.  God has the final say and it is already written as to when your time is up.

So, what is the point of all this Tammy? Yes I know it is a gloomy way to start of a blog, but there really is an Awesome point to be made.  No we may not have control over when we die, But….. What we do have absolutely 100% control over is what We DO and who we Become from NOW until the day we die!  Now, Seriously… How Freaking Awesome is That! (Imagine Me doing my Happy Dance right now! Ha!)

You have a choice to make.  Are you gonna put your head down and just shuffle your feet one day at a time, complaining how miserable you are and how life ahs dealt you a “RAW DEAL“? Is that what you’re doing Right Now?  Well you know what…. SHUT UP!!! Yes, you can go back and read that again in ALL Caps, Bold & Underlined and Imagine Me Yelling at you!!! SHUT UP!!!!  See, the only person responsible for your Situation is YOU! Not your mom, your dad, your cousin, aunt, uncle, sister, brother, pastor, teacher, etc.  Those are people who are “Influences” in your life! Those influences may be positive or negative! You are in total control of what you listen to and accept in your life, NOT Them.

Here’s the deal, you have a God Given, Divine Right to “CHOOSE” how your life goes. How you React or Respond to the Good or Bad situations that happen in your life is up to YOU and You Only!  Yes, sometimes bad things happen to good people and we have Zero control over that!  What we do have control over is to properly “Respond” and say “This was not anything that I could control and I am okay with that!!  It does not Define who I am but it does make me stronger because I Survived it for a Reason“!!!

How do I know this to be true?  Because I have personally lived thru just that.  See, my 1st childhood memories, are of me being sexually abused from about ages 3 or 4ish on and off until it finally ended when I was 13.  I do not have too many happy memories as a young child that I can remember at the moment.  But, what I do know, is that God Protected me from all that pain, physical & mental, by making me black it out until I was an adult and he knew I was able to hand the reality of it all.  I made a conscious CHOICE to NOT let my past, that I had ZERO control over, determine who I am or could Become! Nor would I let it hold me captive as a victim in my own mental prison.  Now there is a lot more to that part of the story of my life that I will reveal in another post, which will Greatly Shock you as to how I am still Standing here Loving and Embracing life to the fullest Every Single Day!

As I said, I am living, breathing proof that Bad things can sometimes happen to Good People and you can make an Amazing life for yourself.  What is it that you need to Let Go of in order to move forward into your Destiny of Awesomeness?  If this post has helped or inspired you in some way, please hit the “LIKE” button and then “Share” on Facebook, Google+ or any other of your favorite Social Media Hangouts, so that we can Help and Inspire as many people around the world to take back their life and Live it to the Fullest!  Remember, the Epilogue to your Life, has Not yet been written!  So Make It Awesome!

Free Your Mind…Live Your Life

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You know, we all spend so much time with our life in Hyper-speed! Go here, do that, listen to this, talk to this one, that one & the other one. Go to work, 8, 10, 12 or more hours a day. Come home, cook, clean, take a shower, pass out & do it all over again the next day.  We worry about who is watching or “Not” watching us.  What they think of us or what they may or may not be saying about us.  There is feeling that is so Paralyzing with “What do they Think about me?”  Whether its a love interest, a new friend, co-worker, boss or just someone that catches their eye in the line at the grocery store.  So many of our thoughts are caught up in “What other people think” about us.

Well you know what… Who Cares!!! Seriously!  Yes, maybe that sounds a little harsh to some of you, but honestly, its the truth and you need to hear it!  We spend way too much of our Good Energy on people who 98% of the time are not even giving us a second thought, much less their first thought.  If they made you mad, they Do Not Care!  They haven’t thought about it for a second and I would venture to guess they probably don’t even know they made you mad in the first place. I am sure you are wondering what this has to do with Business and Wealth.  Just stay with me for a few minutes as I explain the connection to you.

So, now, You are walking around all puffed up over someone else’s opinion of you, you are mad for hours, days, weeks and in some cases even Years for No Reason at all! People are gonna hurt you and you are gonna hurt other people whether its intentional or not.  Whether its with words or actions (or the lack there of in some cases) its inevitable that its going to happen.  There is a thought process that I use to help me when things like this happen.  First thought, “Is there anything I can do to change this situation?” Its a simple yes or no.  If Yes, then list what I can do and then do it.  If “NO”, then its oh well, on with my day.  Let go and Let God!   Yes it is really that simple!

See, if your mad, then Your Day is ruined.  You are in control of your emotions not them.  When you learn that one simple principle then your life and all the circumstances surrounding you will change.  Whether that is in your personal, professional, financial, spiritual, emotional or social life.  That is how this is tied into your business and wealth.  When you learn that if you let them make you mad and you stay that way then They Win! That is where it affects every area of your life!  If it happens in your love life, then it affects your business life because you cant completely focus on your job or business because your heart is hurting.  If its in your social life, it affects your financial life because now your focus is not on your money, its on them.  When you let other people control your emotions and give your thoughts momentum to the negative side of life, its the equivalent of drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.  How is that working out for you?

Life is Too Damn Short to be walking around Pissed off all the time!  If someone you love hurt you, cheated on you, lied to you or whatever the case may be, you have the same 2 choices.  Can it be fixed? Yes or No?  If yes, then work together to find a solution and fix it!  If NO, then walk away and let it go!  If the only solution is to walk away know that this part is not always so easy all the time. (trust me I speaking from personal experience) But you were put on this earth to do something Amazing!  You may not know what it is right now, but if you are walking around all mad & upset all the time, you will never be able to see the open door to you blessings or to your destiny!

Don’t spend your life looking down at the ground, upset, mad or miserable! Look up and enjoy the beautiful sunshine, laugh, smile, have fun and Follow Your Heart! Do Not Let Life Pass You By and Don’t let the world paint on your Canvas of Life! That is your paint brush and you are in control of what goes on your canvas from hear on out!! How will you Paint Your Future??!!  Happiness is a Choice!  You have the God Given Right to be Happy!  You and you alone are responsible for your Happiness.  Other people can add to or contribute to it, but putting the burden on someone else to “Make You Happy” means that you are not in control of your life.  Is that the way you want to live your life?  Out of control and in hands of someone else?  A long time ago, I had to learn this lesson and lean into it for my own health, wealth and mental well being.  It changed my life forever!  So much so that now I am an International Life Coach, Public Speaker and a soon to be Published Author when my book comes out at the First of August!  The belief level that I have in myself changed direction 180 degrees when I realized that I was in control of my Happiness and not someone else.  That I was in control of my future, not someone else! That I was in control of my Finances and not someone else!  I was in control of my Destiny and not someone else!  You too, have this same control!

I would love to encourage you to grab a white piece of paper and a blue pen.  Now, name one thing that you can do today that will make your day 100% better than yesterday? That one thing could be as simple as “I’m going to go to the pool and just enjoy the sunshine today.”  It could be as simple as “I am going to give my kids an extra hug today and tell them how much I love them.”  Maybe, its something like “I am going to put on my headphones, turn up my favorite tunes and dance around the house naked while I clean!”  That thought alone should have made you laugh and your day is already better! (Your Welcome!)  Take a Deep Breath, let it out nice and slow, Feel the Life that is inside of you come Alive within that breath!  If you are alive, then you have a purpose on this earth and it starts with Choosing to make yourself Happy and watch how the universe returns that to you in ways you can only imagine!

If this touched you or if you know someone this message would be a blessing to, please hit the like and share button and help a friend today!  And as Always, thanks for coming into my little world and letting me share my thoughts with you today! Hope to see you next week!

Oh and if your interested in my new book coming out…. Look for it on Amazon.com the title is “Dear Victim, Its Time for Us to Break Up Now!” A Story of Empowerment through Forgiveness Strength and Love.   Watch for links to be posted soon!  Love you all so much and cant wait to talk to you again Next Week!

Where is Your Journey Leading You?

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  We are all on a Journey! Its called LIFE!  Now, the best part of that this journey is that ALL of us get to Choose our own path!  Think about that for just a minute…. tick … tick … tick…okay times up! I’m gonna repeat that just in case you missed it the first time, “We ALL get to Choose our Path!”  Don’t get me wrong, we all have a past and some of them were better than others.  Trust me I get that better than anyone, because my childhood Sucked!  I don’t mean in any little way either, It royally is right up there the probably the Top 10 of ALL Childhoods that Sucked.  (But that is not what this blog is about, that will be for a much later post… Yes that is meant to keep you coming back for more so you don’t miss it lol)

  So, Now, back to the whole “Choose your Path” thing I was talking about! The fun thing about our Journey in this life is that whatever path we choose is OUR Journey!  My journey is not your journey, your journey is not my journey, Tom’s journey is not Michael’s journey, Linda’s journey is not Cindy’s journey and so on.  Not everyone is going to understand what path it is that your are on, Hell, You may Not understand the path that you are on.  You just had this Burning desire, deep within you, to go this way, but you really haven’t figured out your “WHY” yet.  But when you do… Oh Good Lawd! You better hold on because its gonna be an Awesome Ride!

  See, by choosing the path that you want to travel, you are in Complete Control of How Awesome it can be or How Bad it can Suck!  Me personally, I Chose to make Mine Awesome lol.  Oh, you want to know what I mean by that? Okay, well here is how I understand it.  We ALL have been given this thing called “FREE WILL” to Choose to do whatever we want.  Now you can define that however you see fit. That means “YOU” are the only one Responsible for YOUR Path!  So, you have the option to Choose to make your life as Exciting, Fun, Interesting, Challenging and Awesome as you want.  Or…. on the flip side of that, your choices can make it as boring, sad, hurtful and as full of struggle as YOU Choose it to be at any given time.  That is what I mean by, you have the Option to Choose your Path on this Journey of Life! It’s just like a math problem.  You add Positive things to your life to make it Awesome and Exciting.  Or you can add Negative things to your life to subtract from your happiness and awesomeness?  No one on the planet has the Power to make you miserable or to make your life full of negativity but YOU!  Do bad things happen to Good people? Yes! But the key is how you respond or react to those bad things.

  Some things that happen we have Absolutely ZERO control over.  There is Nothing we can do but say, Okay, it is what it is and I am gonna move forward from here.  When you “Respond” with acceptance and not worry, things just seem to fall into place and correct themselves a lot sooner and Usually better than what you had ever planned in the first place. (That’s called your Blessing) Now, on the flip side, you can get all pissed off, mad, worry and keep harping on how you didn’t do anything to deserve this and yada yada yada!  Day in and Day out, you harp on how bad this sux!  You know that does? It keeps you right there in that world that Sux!  It’s a Choice! Think about it like this, you’re reading this Awesome novel that’s a thriller.  You are at the climax at the end of a chapter, it’s a cliff hanger, and the only way you find out who did what to who is to “Turn The Page” and go on to the next chapter in the book, right?  So, Now….. here in lies your “CHOICE”, Are  you gonna “A” keep reading that same page trying to figure out what the hell is happening? Or…. option “B” Turn the Page to the Next Chapter and find out that your favorite character made it through and is the Hero after all?  Let me guess….. You Choose Option “B”!

  Woot Woot! So now apply that Option to all the Crazy stuff that happens in your Journey!  Yes it really is that Simple!  I get asked all the time… Tammy, do you Ever have a bad day?  I can honestly say, I rarely have a bad day any more. (Thank the Good Lord! lol) I may have bad moments in a day, where something happened that made that part of my day Suck!  But, hey, that is life!  If I let that person make me miserable, they win! (And if you know me at all, you already know how I absolutely HATE to Lose at anything lol) So Needless to say, I might be mad for a hot second, might even yell, scream, vent or go throw some weights around. (Yes, I really mean throw weights around lol)  But within the hour, usually, I am back laughing, cutting up and making Everyone that comes in contact with me, Enjoy their time in my Sunshine!

  I said ALL of that for this 1 Reason… Do Not Let anyone Dull Your Shine! Choose the Path that Makes you Laugh til you can’t breathe, Dance like nobody is watching and Sing like Nobody can Hear You!  Life is Short! It’s about making your Journey AWESOME! And, quite honestly, Nobody makes it out Alive! So, quit being so Damn Serious all the time and Make Your Life as Awesome As You Are!

I would love to hear how you take a bad situation and turn it into something Awesome! Leave me a comment below and lets spread some Positive ways to help other people do the same!  If this post helped you in some way, please share and lets touch as many people as we can!  Thanks for stepping into my world for just a moment & I hope I made you smile from the inside out!

What If….?

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Remember that Everything you do Matters! It matters to you, your loved ones, to God and people who are not even here yet…Be Thankful for the little things…Be Thankful for Everything and Everyone that comes into your life.  The good, bad, happy, sad or whatever.  They all happen for a reason.

What If you woke up with “Only” what you thanked God for Tonight? What would your life be like tomorrow? How would it change? Who would still be in your life come day break? What will you Change Tonight…? Just in case I’m right?

Fabulous Friday!!

This is Fabulous Friday!! Why is it Fabulous you ask?  Simply because I am Grateful to Be Alive!  Because I have a roof over my head on this very cold night, when there are many that will be looking for shelter to get out of the cold.  Because I have clean clothes to wear, when there are many that have none.  Because I have food on the table, when many go days without a Hot Meal.  Because I have a car to drive after riding public transportation for a year.  Because I have cable, internet, a laptop, smart phone and other electronics that some may never know the convenience of these luxuries.  Because I have 2 wonderful Children and 3 Beautiful Grandchildren, when many will never be blessed with a child, much less a grandchild.  Because I have the unconditional love of a man who I only dreamed of for over 44 years, when many may not Ever know what Love is much less unconditional, non-judgmental, true love is really like.  Because I have an Awesome relationship with God, when some will never know he even exists and know the love, peace, joy, forgiveness and happiness he brings into your heart.  Because I have Awesome Friends, when many will never allow themselves to be open to friendship out of fear of rejection and hurt.

I am Blessed Beyond Measure and Grateful for each and every one of my blessings!  What are you Grateful for today?

What Are You Thankful For?!

For Life Is a Miracle

         Be Thankful For Every Day…..   For Life Is a Miracle

Normally people call today “Thirsty Thursday“.  The day before the weekend starts so they can start celebrating with a few cocktails a day early.  When I say “Thirsty Thursday”, I ask, “What are you Thirsty for?”  Of course, the majority of people come back with whatever their favorite drink would be…. Miller Lite, Margarita, Hennessy, etc.  But I say you should be “Thirsty for Life! Thirsty for Love! Thirsty for Success! Thirsty to Help Others! Thirsty for God!

Over the last 3-5 years, I have come to realize that Life is Very Short.  Yesterday is a Memory, Tomorrow is a Mystery.  Your life is like a novel that is being written day by day.  As the day ends and the ink dries on the page, it gets turned to the next.  Once the ink is dry, there is No Changing what has happened.  When that chapter is finished then its time to “Turn The Page To a New Beginning”!  A new day and a new start to what will be an Amazing life if you give it a chance.

See, on my Facebook today, I labeled it as “Thankful Thursday”! See this week is our 24/7 prayer week at my church (Cumberland Community Church in Smyrna, Ga).  For 7 days, people sign up for 1 hour slots to go and pray in the sanctuary.  So, in essence, there is somebody praying 24 hours a day for 7 days.  I have been going here for almost 18 months now and have had the privilege to participate in 3 of these prayer weeks.  Today was my 3-4am time slot.  There is Nothing more amazing than to be in the sanctuary by yourself, going to the different prayer stations and just feeling the Holy Spirit move with you and Hearing God speak to your heart.  I had a very moving and emotional prayer time, praying for my friends in need and especially my children.  My daughter has been having a rough time lately so I prayed for her healing, strength and guidence.  Then as I started praying for my son I was overcome by a Feeling of a strong vibration with chills, being filled with love, overcome with tears, as I Thanked God for my Son and how awesome of a man, father and husband he has grown into.  That I prayed that he be protected, blessed and all of his prayers be answered for being such a blessing to me.  Then to find out that God was Moving for my son at that exact hour was just Awe Inspiring in itself.

So, needless to say, my day started off Awesome! I go to the gym and train my morning client, come home for lunch and find that my books came in for my national certification exam came in! Woot Woot! Super excited (and nervous at the same time) about getting ready for that.  I am texting with my son talking about the prayer events and my exam when I get a phone call from Iroff and Son Jewelers saying I was 1 of the 5 people selected in their “Race for The Ring” contest!! Can you Say “SCORE“!!!

Me Trying on the Ring (Its a Perfect Fit lol) At Iroff and Son

Me Trying on the Ring (Its a Perfect Fit lol) At Iroff and Son

This Sunday, me plus my girls LaTaunya and Emmerald, and the other 4 contestants meet at the jewelry store at Noon for a Scavenger Hunt!  First 1 to get back wins the ring! I am One Happy Girl Right Now!!

I gave you ALL of these details to say this, Every Day is a Blessing!  You Always have Something to Be Thankful For!  If you woke up this morning…that means you are Alive!! Be Thankful!  If, you are alive then your purpose on this earth has yet to be fulfilled….which means…. the Best is yet to Come!! (How Awesome Is That!!)  If you are reading this, then you have internet, so Be Thankful! (Because there are a lot of people who don’t.)  You have a roof over your head, food on the table, clothes on your back, a job, a wife/husband/significant other, children, a car, public transportation, a beautiful sunrise/sunset….The Air in Your Lungs, The Strength to Walk/Run/Workout, Eyes to See, Ears to Hear….Do you get it?!! #BeThankful!

Do Not let another minute, hour, day, week, month or year go by, that you don’t tell the ones you love how you feel. Or you don’t let someone know that you appreciate the little things that they do just because.  Smile at somebody just because you can, it may be the only thing good that happens to them all day.  Hold the door open for the person behind you, not because you have to, but because you can, it feels good and it doesn’t cost you anything to be nice.  Pay It forward!  Be A Blessing to someone else and watch the blessings be showered upon you! Life is Short! Live Out Loud!

So, tell me, What are you Thankful for today?  Leave me a comment and let me know! I would love to hear what makes you smile everyday!

Season’s of a Lifetime

To Become the Person  You Were Meant To Be

To Become the Person You Were Meant To Be

Let me start this by saying that if you have never met me in person then what you see on Facebook or any of my other social media profiles, is the very Positive, Optimistic, Happy, Motivational & Inspiring person. Or at least I hope that is what you get from my posts 🙂  What you may or may not pull from my posts, unless you do personally know me, is that I am a Very Matter of Fact, Blunt, to the point person, with no Edit button or filter.  Especially when I am speaking my mind on something that I am passionate about lol.  So with that being said, what I am about to write is strictly from my own personal experiences and nobody else’s. This is the only “Warning” label that will appear because this will be very candid and uncut.  If you read it and feel as I am talking about “You”, the probability that you are going thru the same things I have already gone thru is 210% True.  But believe me when I say I am only speaking about me at the moment in this post.  I would appreciate your thoughts and/or comments at the end and I Thank You in advance for taking your Time that you cant get back to come check out my world for just a few moments.

I am a firm believer that Everything in our lives happen for a reason. There are no accidents or coincidences. People that come into our life, come into it for a reason.  Some of those reason’s will last a Season and some will last a Lifetime. I am sure that we ALL have heard that saying at some point in our life. I am speaking mostly to the ladies here because, of course I am one & only know about how I feel lol, but if it strikes the men who read as a truth then hey, I have done my job well with this post then 🙂

When people come into our life, especially at a very difficult time, and they help us (or in our eyes), sometimes, we feel as if that person “Saved” our lives by being our friend during that dark time.  I went thru a very bad bout of depression a few years back. I was NOT Happy with my life, my body, my health, my job, generally just waking up and breathing pissed me off to no end. That was a very real thought.  Another very real thought was I just wanted to go to sleep and Never Wake Up.  I did not think any body would care, nor would they miss me.  Why?  Because, I know that if I knew me and was around me for 5 min, I would Not want to be any longer than that.  I was a Very Angry person, especially with myself.  I had every intention of taking a whole bottle of sleeping pills one afternoon.  Just going to sleep and never waking up. I Never said a word to anyone about my intentions.  But a friend called me that day. He got in my ASS. I don’t remember the whole conversation, but I remember very vividly, he said this, “I don’t know WTF is wrong with you but you need to get your head out of your Ass and get yourself together and now!  You are Not this co-dependent needy ass person that you are acting like and you are Not acting like the Tammy that I Fell In Love With! So WTFE is wrong with you…you need to fix it and right now! Because I can and will make a road trip to come kick your ass if that is what needs to happen.”

Needless to say, I burst into tears, told him he made me cry & asked if that made him happy? He said Good because I am not done yet and another thing…dahdahdahdah yada yada yada… was all I heard.  Because I knew Every Single Word he was saying was “TRUE“.  It Hurt like Hell! I cried uncontrollably while he continued to tell me what an Ass I was being.  It made me Soooooo Angry at myself but in a different way.  I will say though, before the end of the conversation, he made sure he made me laugh and asked me what was wrong.  I don’t really remember much of the convo at that point but I do know I Did Not tell him what my plans were before he had called. When we got off the phone I went and flushed the bottle of sleeping pills down the toilet.  I got in the shower and cried for about an hr. I got myself together and slowly started making changes in my life, one day at a time, to make me at least start to LIKE me again.

I bare my soul about this part in my life to get you to the topic of people come into our lives for a reason. That person is/was a dear friend of mine. We had been romantically involved on & off over the yrs until I met the Awesome man that I am in Love with now (and will be getting married soon. YaY!)  Until then though, I held on to him Desperately.  In my mind, he was the 1 that “I” felt like Saved my Life that one dark day. What I have come to realize since then, is that he was Open to Let God USE HIM to save my life. He did Not Save Me. God Saved Me. And I didn’t have a relationship with God then.  I didn’t think he would love me or care about me, much less, save me.  I used my friend as a safety net.  An excuse Not to let other men get close to me.   I was afraid that, if I did, I would lose my life line. The “What If” this doesn’t work out and I need him, he will not be there and then what?

What I have learned, and come to realize is this, GOD is the Only Life Line I Need. He was the one who Saved Me Then, Who saves me Every Single day that I wake up Breathing, which I am happy about doing these days by the way lol.  What I had to realize is that this person was only suppose to be in my life for a Specific Reason and only for a Season.  I had romanticized our relationship, (out of my own fear of being alone and/or the dark places I was saved from) to think that we were “Meant to be together“.  Ha! what an idiot thought that was lol.  He was used, in more ways than one, by God to Save my life.  To show me how to open my heart to Love again. To open myself to Love Again. To Open my Eyes to See Again. To lead me to the place where I would meet my soul mate who I was “Meant to Spend My Life With”.

I say all of this ladies, in hopes that you understand, that just because a man Helps you through a tough time, it does Not necessarily mean that he is suppose to be in your life for a LIFETIME. He was here for a reason, that may, in fact, only  last a season. But please, do not let that man stay when you SEE ALL the signs (even if you don’t want to openly admit it to yourself) that he is Meant to Move On. Not because he doesn’t love or care about you, but because he has served his purpose in your life.  Do not hold on to someone or something out of Fear of the future.  Fear is Not Real, Fear is a Choice. That person that your holding onto is Toxic to your Progress and Hinders you from becoming ALL that God has made you to be. Not because they themselves are toxic people, they are just toxic to your future, because they are Not Meant To Stay In Your Life Any More.

So Take the time to say goodbye in your heart.  Whatever that means to you. Whether that’s crying it out, writing in a journal, writing them a letter and saying thank you for what you did, but I know its time for us to move on, take care. You are not doing it for them, you are doing it for You! I pray that you understand what all this means and that you receive it the way it is meant and it helps you in some way. I am not saying it will happen over night or that it will be easy.  Because, like ALL Change, it will probably not be easy at all.  But I can promise you this, If you ask God to Help you cut the ties that are binding you, He Will Set You Free! He Will heal the Every Broken piece of your heart and soul all the way down into the deepest cracks that you probably didn’t even know existed.  And when he is done, you will be able to Breathe Again, let out a sigh of relief, look up and say…. Thank You God, I know You Got Me Now!

Prayer ? Do we Know how ?

I had a really rough night last night .

I have been wrestling for two days with something “I” wanted to write about .

After my night in prayer , I was shown that I “will” be writing about what God wants written .

So :  let’s talk about our prayer life .

Mine was nothing but turmoil last night as I continually told God what “I” was trying to “accomplish” and asking him to bless my meager efforts with pen and paper .

And that is how our prayer life often works : asking God to bless what “we” want to do . No thought of anything but our own interest or dreams .

After all ; we all know how to best glorify our Lord . Right ?

That’s a really good joke  isn’t it ?

We can never make God’s word “whole” through our own wisdom .

And that is the lesson my Lord taught me last night ; turn it over to him and trust him and his wisdom and power

But here is also the problem for us mere mortals ; turning  EVERYTHING over to God .

I bet everybody thought we would get through this with out  me quoting C.S. Lewis !!

No such luck !

I am now reading the Screw Tape Letters and came across this little jewel that I must share :  ”  Thanks to processes ,that Satan set at work in man centuries ago ,they find all but impossible to believe in the unfamiliar while the familiar is before their eyes .” Paraphrased

And there is Satan’s opening : our inability to turn “all” over to our Lord and rest from our labors at that point .

Our nature says that God might not realize the true enormity of the problem we have brought to him .

Or He doesn’t understand the “urgency ” of our “request”.

Now we get to the two problems with our prayer life : #1 -Urgency  ,#2 -Request .

Urgency ?  Impossible to get my #2 Combo to the drive through window fast enough !

And how often do we treat Our God like the poor girl manning the window at the local McDonald’s ; “Did you have to kill the cow ? ‘, “Don’t you know I am already running late?”

And the “request “?–There is a real laugh !

“Request ?” —Let’s try “commands ” .

All I really need from you Lord is your blessings !

That is how prayer works if “I” am in charge : speedy , with the mustard and ketsup just so -so !

Let’s look at God’s way .

Let’s go all the way back to the beginning : Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden .

All that Beauty : Something so awesome that my feeble mind can barely comprehend the beauty that is before my eyes !

Visualize Adam and Eve walking With their God through the Garden in the cool of the morning !

Oh to have been on that walk !

Can you hear them call Him Abba ?

And that is how prayer should be : approaching God as our Father !

Knowing that above all else ,He loves us and will never harm us .

And now we get to my Daughter .

Laura may get tired of being my example ,but she is a beautiful example of prayer .

Laura was around 3 years old when she ran through the kitchen door screaming for her Daddy .

KILL EM DADDY ! KILL EM !.

And in each hand my Daughter was holding a Yellow Jacket .

They had stung my baby !

And she Had come running to her Daddy .

She had brought her problem to her father ,knowing that I could handle it .

One question for us now : How much more does Our Father care about the “yellow jackets ” in our life ?

There is the true prayer that our Father Wants from his Children .

God bless

Roger .