Tribute To All My Strong Women

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Yes Ladies, this is ALL About You today! Woot Woot! The Strong Women! The ones who are there for their family, friends, church, co-workers & charities. Those that people lean on when they need direction. Those that people seek when they need to be told the Truth they know within but don’t want to hear in the consciousness of the awake world.  The ones that flourish in times  f crisis only to break down behind closed doors because we don’t want anyone to know that we have moments of weakness too!

See, I am a Strong Woman! Anyone who knows me personally and knows even just a little of my story, will tell you that they don’t know how I do it.  I am a personal trainer, so I am physically strong. I have battled Depression and almost took my own life, but I fought with everything within me and Won! So I am Emotionally Strong! I am a Mother and a GG, so as all mothers and grandmothers know, we are the backbone of strength for our families. I am a sister with 3 brothers, the oldest and the only girl, so I am tough deep down in my soul.  I could go on with more and more of things that make me and lots of other women on this planet strong, but it is not about just that. It is about how we know, we are also Weak!  We put on a mask for the world to see because we have our “Strong Woman Crown” to wear every day.

There are some, that because they are strong, they are mean, hateful, bullies, demanding and just a plain pain in the ass to be around! (I used to be her! lol) But when in need, people will run to them, because they know this Strong Woman will Get the Job Done!

There are those that help everyone with their crisis but can’t seem to get their own life together, because they have given all they have to everyone else. (Yep, I have been her too… sigh)  Then there are those that “Seem” to have it all together, Happy, Strong, life on point, always lifting others up and nobody knows the brokenness within.  We dare NOT let anyone see our tears. Why? Because of the fear of judgment, that people wont need us any more if they see us at our weakest moments! (Yes, I graduated to this one as well lol)

To ALL of my Ladies, please hear this if you heard nothing that I said above, Let go of the fear of what other people think! Your Gift of Strength was earned!  God Blessed you with it.  But he also gave us the ability to be Strong in our Weakness! Yes, it sucks being strong all the time, especially when we are having our weak moments.  I know you feel like nobody can be there for you, but the truth is, God is there FIRST and Foremost! Realize, he put people in your life to help you when you are weak!

See, I know this because I have some pretty Awesome people who morphed into Superhero Friends when I least expected it! Give them Permission to Love You! To see your tears and let you cry, but also, Not to join your pity party!  Give them permission to Tell you the Truth, like you do them! Give them permission to help you, when you can’t seem to find your own Strength! Contrary to our “Inner Iron Man” or Woman as the case may be, It is Okay to ask for help from those we give help too!  Why should you even consider that you ask?  Here’s the deal, at the time you helped them, they thought they would Never be able to repay you for the Strength you shared in their time of need.  Well guess what, those that are your “True Friends” that you lended that strength to, will be your “Superhero Friends” when you least expect it!

So quit being all grumpy. Quit trying to save the world. Quit thinking crying is a weakness that will Kill You! Truth be told, crying cleanses and heals your soul! Crying will set your heart free! Letting someone else be strong helps you to be human! Being vulnerable makes you Beautiful and Sexy!

NONE of us have it all together all the time… that is just a fact of life! A hard one that I, myself, have difficulty accepting at times. But as I have grown into this most Awesome version of me that God has allowed me to be, I realize that I am Awesome Even When I Cry!

So, Take Your Masks OFF, My Strong Women! Be Beautiful, flaws and all! Embrace all the perfect, imperfections that God gave, to only you and show the World your True Inner Strength! Your Tears!

Sincerely,

One Strong Woman to Another

It’s Your Life So Live It Your Way

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When I saw this picture, it Inspired this post.  It may be a little wordy but it will definitely be worth it 🙂

See, Nobody on this earth makes it out Alive! We ALL are going to Die someday.  We do not know when that someday is for any of us.  Someone, you, me, your neighbor, friend, classmate etc could go any minute today, tomorrow or next year.  I know that sounds scary, but the truth is the truth. That part, quite honestly, shouldn’t even really be a concern to you because the time and place is 100% out of your control.  God has the final say and it is already written as to when your time is up.

So, what is the point of all this Tammy? Yes I know it is a gloomy way to start of a blog, but there really is an Awesome point to be made.  No we may not have control over when we die, But….. What we do have absolutely 100% control over is what We DO and who we Become from NOW until the day we die!  Now, Seriously… How Freaking Awesome is That! (Imagine Me doing my Happy Dance right now! Ha!)

You have a choice to make.  Are you gonna put your head down and just shuffle your feet one day at a time, complaining how miserable you are and how life ahs dealt you a “RAW DEAL“? Is that what you’re doing Right Now?  Well you know what…. SHUT UP!!! Yes, you can go back and read that again in ALL Caps, Bold & Underlined and Imagine Me Yelling at you!!! SHUT UP!!!!  See, the only person responsible for your Situation is YOU! Not your mom, your dad, your cousin, aunt, uncle, sister, brother, pastor, teacher, etc.  Those are people who are “Influences” in your life! Those influences may be positive or negative! You are in total control of what you listen to and accept in your life, NOT Them.

Here’s the deal, you have a God Given, Divine Right to “CHOOSE” how your life goes. How you React or Respond to the Good or Bad situations that happen in your life is up to YOU and You Only!  Yes, sometimes bad things happen to good people and we have Zero control over that!  What we do have control over is to properly “Respond” and say “This was not anything that I could control and I am okay with that!!  It does not Define who I am but it does make me stronger because I Survived it for a Reason“!!!

How do I know this to be true?  Because I have personally lived thru just that.  See, my 1st childhood memories, are of me being sexually abused from about ages 3 or 4ish on and off until it finally ended when I was 13.  I do not have too many happy memories as a young child that I can remember at the moment.  But, what I do know, is that God Protected me from all that pain, physical & mental, by making me black it out until I was an adult and he knew I was able to hand the reality of it all.  I made a conscious CHOICE to NOT let my past, that I had ZERO control over, determine who I am or could Become! Nor would I let it hold me captive as a victim in my own mental prison.  Now there is a lot more to that part of the story of my life that I will reveal in another post, which will Greatly Shock you as to how I am still Standing here Loving and Embracing life to the fullest Every Single Day!

As I said, I am living, breathing proof that Bad things can sometimes happen to Good People and you can make an Amazing life for yourself.  What is it that you need to Let Go of in order to move forward into your Destiny of Awesomeness?  If this post has helped or inspired you in some way, please hit the “LIKE” button and then “Share” on Facebook, Google+ or any other of your favorite Social Media Hangouts, so that we can Help and Inspire as many people around the world to take back their life and Live it to the Fullest!  Remember, the Epilogue to your Life, has Not yet been written!  So Make It Awesome!

Free Your Mind…Live Your Life

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You know, we all spend so much time with our life in Hyper-speed! Go here, do that, listen to this, talk to this one, that one & the other one. Go to work, 8, 10, 12 or more hours a day. Come home, cook, clean, take a shower, pass out & do it all over again the next day.  We worry about who is watching or “Not” watching us.  What they think of us or what they may or may not be saying about us.  There is feeling that is so Paralyzing with “What do they Think about me?”  Whether its a love interest, a new friend, co-worker, boss or just someone that catches their eye in the line at the grocery store.  So many of our thoughts are caught up in “What other people think” about us.

Well you know what… Who Cares!!! Seriously!  Yes, maybe that sounds a little harsh to some of you, but honestly, its the truth and you need to hear it!  We spend way too much of our Good Energy on people who 98% of the time are not even giving us a second thought, much less their first thought.  If they made you mad, they Do Not Care!  They haven’t thought about it for a second and I would venture to guess they probably don’t even know they made you mad in the first place. I am sure you are wondering what this has to do with Business and Wealth.  Just stay with me for a few minutes as I explain the connection to you.

So, now, You are walking around all puffed up over someone else’s opinion of you, you are mad for hours, days, weeks and in some cases even Years for No Reason at all! People are gonna hurt you and you are gonna hurt other people whether its intentional or not.  Whether its with words or actions (or the lack there of in some cases) its inevitable that its going to happen.  There is a thought process that I use to help me when things like this happen.  First thought, “Is there anything I can do to change this situation?” Its a simple yes or no.  If Yes, then list what I can do and then do it.  If “NO”, then its oh well, on with my day.  Let go and Let God!   Yes it is really that simple!

See, if your mad, then Your Day is ruined.  You are in control of your emotions not them.  When you learn that one simple principle then your life and all the circumstances surrounding you will change.  Whether that is in your personal, professional, financial, spiritual, emotional or social life.  That is how this is tied into your business and wealth.  When you learn that if you let them make you mad and you stay that way then They Win! That is where it affects every area of your life!  If it happens in your love life, then it affects your business life because you cant completely focus on your job or business because your heart is hurting.  If its in your social life, it affects your financial life because now your focus is not on your money, its on them.  When you let other people control your emotions and give your thoughts momentum to the negative side of life, its the equivalent of drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.  How is that working out for you?

Life is Too Damn Short to be walking around Pissed off all the time!  If someone you love hurt you, cheated on you, lied to you or whatever the case may be, you have the same 2 choices.  Can it be fixed? Yes or No?  If yes, then work together to find a solution and fix it!  If NO, then walk away and let it go!  If the only solution is to walk away know that this part is not always so easy all the time. (trust me I speaking from personal experience) But you were put on this earth to do something Amazing!  You may not know what it is right now, but if you are walking around all mad & upset all the time, you will never be able to see the open door to you blessings or to your destiny!

Don’t spend your life looking down at the ground, upset, mad or miserable! Look up and enjoy the beautiful sunshine, laugh, smile, have fun and Follow Your Heart! Do Not Let Life Pass You By and Don’t let the world paint on your Canvas of Life! That is your paint brush and you are in control of what goes on your canvas from hear on out!! How will you Paint Your Future??!!  Happiness is a Choice!  You have the God Given Right to be Happy!  You and you alone are responsible for your Happiness.  Other people can add to or contribute to it, but putting the burden on someone else to “Make You Happy” means that you are not in control of your life.  Is that the way you want to live your life?  Out of control and in hands of someone else?  A long time ago, I had to learn this lesson and lean into it for my own health, wealth and mental well being.  It changed my life forever!  So much so that now I am an International Life Coach, Public Speaker and a soon to be Published Author when my book comes out at the First of August!  The belief level that I have in myself changed direction 180 degrees when I realized that I was in control of my Happiness and not someone else.  That I was in control of my future, not someone else! That I was in control of my Finances and not someone else!  I was in control of my Destiny and not someone else!  You too, have this same control!

I would love to encourage you to grab a white piece of paper and a blue pen.  Now, name one thing that you can do today that will make your day 100% better than yesterday? That one thing could be as simple as “I’m going to go to the pool and just enjoy the sunshine today.”  It could be as simple as “I am going to give my kids an extra hug today and tell them how much I love them.”  Maybe, its something like “I am going to put on my headphones, turn up my favorite tunes and dance around the house naked while I clean!”  That thought alone should have made you laugh and your day is already better! (Your Welcome!)  Take a Deep Breath, let it out nice and slow, Feel the Life that is inside of you come Alive within that breath!  If you are alive, then you have a purpose on this earth and it starts with Choosing to make yourself Happy and watch how the universe returns that to you in ways you can only imagine!

If this touched you or if you know someone this message would be a blessing to, please hit the like and share button and help a friend today!  And as Always, thanks for coming into my little world and letting me share my thoughts with you today! Hope to see you next week!

Oh and if your interested in my new book coming out…. Look for it on Amazon.com the title is “Dear Victim, Its Time for Us to Break Up Now!” A Story of Empowerment through Forgiveness Strength and Love.   Watch for links to be posted soon!  Love you all so much and cant wait to talk to you again Next Week!

Take The Lid Off Your Dreams

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There is so much to learn from this picture. When we are kids we Dream these HUGE Dreams.  We water them, we act them out during recess, we tell anyone that will listen what we are gonna do when we grow up. We have so much excitement! Our eyes are all happy,  we talk fast, we show everyone our super hero costume,  believing with every inch of our little soul, that 1 Day we are going to save the world and everyone is gonna live happily every after.  Do you remember those days?  What did you want to be? Astronauts, fireman, Doctor, nurse or a Movie Star lol!

Then we hit middle school and is like our teachers that once fed our imagination and dreams were now Zombies and they were trying to make us just like them! Ewe!! We had to be realistic and have a “J-O-B” that could pay the bills because our silly dreams would never happen.  Sheesh! Do you remember the first time you were told or realized your childhood dreams were made out to be pipe dreams by the adults who thought “They Knew All the Answers?” 

Now, we are all Grown Up, and 98% of people on the planet literally HATE their job. They dread going to work.  They are depressed and generally just go thru life as a Zombie because they feel they have No Way Out! They quit dreaming and probably wouldn’t know where to start off looking for a dream these days.

I am here to tell you that you can do whatever you want to do! No matter how old you are or what stage of life your in at the moment.  How do I know this you ask? Because I am Living Proof that it can happen!  See I am 49 yrs old. I have 2 grown children and 3 beautiful grandchildren!  I have worked in restaurants on & off my whole life. Then 1 day I lost the job, the house, the car and my whole life was flipped upside down.  I gained a bunch of weight,  got depressed,  people who I thought were my friends, disappeared into thin air.  Waking up and breathing generally pissed me off! (I know, to know me now, you would never believe that person could ever have been me lol)

But, I got in the gym and started working out with my best friend and my roommate at the time and between the 3 of us we lost almost 150lbs! That is when my Dream to be a Personal Trainer came to life! I was 42ish when all that was going on. Well as of today, Exactly 5 yrs Ago, I made that Dream a Reality!!!! I passed my certification exam on March 8th, 2012! That was the one of the Happiest days of my life! (I sat in the car & Cried like a 2yr old outside the test center for what seemed like 10min lol) 3 years ago, I even passed my National Certification with NCSF, followed by my Sports Nutrition Specialist, Spartan SGX Coach & Obstacle Specialist and Now a Certified Life Coach!

If you had asked me 10 yrs ago this was never on the radar for me.  But when that seed got planted that’s all I focused on and I never gave up!  There were days I thought I was crazy, but that seed was being watered every time I spoke the words “I am studying to pass my personal trainer exam”! It got stronger and bigger everyday.  There was no turning back.  At the Age of 44 I Changed My Life for The Better! Forever!

This is just a small snippet of my story and when the rest of it gets told you will see that Your Past has Nothing to do with your Destiny! It only gave you lessons to help you get there.  Stop watering Dead Plants!  Dream Again! Find Your Passion!  Then work backwards from there until you find a way to make it a reality like I Did!

I would love to hear your childhood dreams, or even better,  Your Big Kid (aka Grown Up lol) Dreams!  Leave a comment below, tag a friend, share with someone you think would benefit from this story!

Until next time, I hope yoy Have as Awesome Week as you can make it!

What Would You Do?

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I was asked today, “If you paid off ALL of your debt, what would that look like for you?”  I am 46 yrs old and have never been in the position, until now, to actually Think about being Debt Free.  I know that it has been a goal of mine to be debt free and I am less than $25,000 away from meeting that goal.  But I could not answer the question “What would that look like for you?”  And honestly, that is sad. What is even more sad, is that 98% of the American population probably cant answer that question with a belief in their heart that it will really happen.  How do I know that?  Because, if they Really Believed it, there would be an excitement that lit up the whole room when they said it and they would stop at Nothing to make sure that it became a reality.  I used to be that person too.

I have lived my whole life in the “Scarcity Mentality“.  Barely having enough to get by each month, living pay check to pay check, hoping that this is the month, that there wont be too much month at the end of the money.  My mom was never good with finances, so we were never taught how to manage money as children and young adults.  ALL we knew was to work as hard as you could, pay your bills on time when you can, always make sure the kids are fed and have what they need, everything else will work itself out. Always believing, “This is As Good As It Gets.”

Now, I was presented with an opportunity, about 18 months ago, that I said yes to, and since then I have been steadily paying off my debt at a rapid rate.  Things slowed down a little, with my move and life in general getting in the way, then I was asked the question, “How will it change your life to be debt free?”  So, as I sit here writing this blog, doing some soul-searching, to really Visualize My Life as Debt Free and to take a quick glimpse at the Awesome Future that Awaits Me!

I have been what the picture above describes, “Died at 25 and just waiting to be buried at 75“.  That is, Until Now.  I have become ALIVE! Realizing that, for the 1st time in my Adult Life, I Will Be Totally Debt Free!! So What do you do, when your whole life is about to change and you can do whatever you want to do?  Do you know what its like to NOT Stress over bills, or if you can put food on the table, or if you’re gonna come home to an eviction notice?  I’ve been thru ALL of that! And to be able to sit here, Breathe a sigh of relief, and know, Those Are No Longer Worries for me, is a Blessing Beyond Belief!

So Now, I pose the question to you… What would your life look like, if tomorrow, you became debt free?  What if I told you I can help You make that a reality?  If you have so much debt that you can’t think that large at the moment (I know I couldn’t before now), What would an Extra $1000 month do for you and your family?  Did you know, that on average, an extra $500/mo would keep most families from filing bankruptcy?  Don’t be the walking dead, as I have been for the last 26 years!  Do Something About It and Take Your Life Back! Become Alive! If you are interested in making an extra $1000/mo and becoming Debt Free yourself, you can leave a message below or contact me on Facebook.

What Would Your Life Look Like, If You Became Debt Free Tomorrow? I would love to hear your Dreams!  Leave me a comment and share with your friends.  #BeBlessed

What If….?

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Remember that Everything you do Matters! It matters to you, your loved ones, to God and people who are not even here yet…Be Thankful for the little things…Be Thankful for Everything and Everyone that comes into your life.  The good, bad, happy, sad or whatever.  They all happen for a reason.

What If you woke up with “Only” what you thanked God for Tonight? What would your life be like tomorrow? How would it change? Who would still be in your life come day break? What will you Change Tonight…? Just in case I’m right?

Fabulous Friday!!

This is Fabulous Friday!! Why is it Fabulous you ask?  Simply because I am Grateful to Be Alive!  Because I have a roof over my head on this very cold night, when there are many that will be looking for shelter to get out of the cold.  Because I have clean clothes to wear, when there are many that have none.  Because I have food on the table, when many go days without a Hot Meal.  Because I have a car to drive after riding public transportation for a year.  Because I have cable, internet, a laptop, smart phone and other electronics that some may never know the convenience of these luxuries.  Because I have 2 wonderful Children and 3 Beautiful Grandchildren, when many will never be blessed with a child, much less a grandchild.  Because I have the unconditional love of a man who I only dreamed of for over 44 years, when many may not Ever know what Love is much less unconditional, non-judgmental, true love is really like.  Because I have an Awesome relationship with God, when some will never know he even exists and know the love, peace, joy, forgiveness and happiness he brings into your heart.  Because I have Awesome Friends, when many will never allow themselves to be open to friendship out of fear of rejection and hurt.

I am Blessed Beyond Measure and Grateful for each and every one of my blessings!  What are you Grateful for today?

What Are You Thankful For?!

For Life Is a Miracle

         Be Thankful For Every Day…..   For Life Is a Miracle

Normally people call today “Thirsty Thursday“.  The day before the weekend starts so they can start celebrating with a few cocktails a day early.  When I say “Thirsty Thursday”, I ask, “What are you Thirsty for?”  Of course, the majority of people come back with whatever their favorite drink would be…. Miller Lite, Margarita, Hennessy, etc.  But I say you should be “Thirsty for Life! Thirsty for Love! Thirsty for Success! Thirsty to Help Others! Thirsty for God!

Over the last 3-5 years, I have come to realize that Life is Very Short.  Yesterday is a Memory, Tomorrow is a Mystery.  Your life is like a novel that is being written day by day.  As the day ends and the ink dries on the page, it gets turned to the next.  Once the ink is dry, there is No Changing what has happened.  When that chapter is finished then its time to “Turn The Page To a New Beginning”!  A new day and a new start to what will be an Amazing life if you give it a chance.

See, on my Facebook today, I labeled it as “Thankful Thursday”! See this week is our 24/7 prayer week at my church (Cumberland Community Church in Smyrna, Ga).  For 7 days, people sign up for 1 hour slots to go and pray in the sanctuary.  So, in essence, there is somebody praying 24 hours a day for 7 days.  I have been going here for almost 18 months now and have had the privilege to participate in 3 of these prayer weeks.  Today was my 3-4am time slot.  There is Nothing more amazing than to be in the sanctuary by yourself, going to the different prayer stations and just feeling the Holy Spirit move with you and Hearing God speak to your heart.  I had a very moving and emotional prayer time, praying for my friends in need and especially my children.  My daughter has been having a rough time lately so I prayed for her healing, strength and guidence.  Then as I started praying for my son I was overcome by a Feeling of a strong vibration with chills, being filled with love, overcome with tears, as I Thanked God for my Son and how awesome of a man, father and husband he has grown into.  That I prayed that he be protected, blessed and all of his prayers be answered for being such a blessing to me.  Then to find out that God was Moving for my son at that exact hour was just Awe Inspiring in itself.

So, needless to say, my day started off Awesome! I go to the gym and train my morning client, come home for lunch and find that my books came in for my national certification exam came in! Woot Woot! Super excited (and nervous at the same time) about getting ready for that.  I am texting with my son talking about the prayer events and my exam when I get a phone call from Iroff and Son Jewelers saying I was 1 of the 5 people selected in their “Race for The Ring” contest!! Can you Say “SCORE“!!!

Me Trying on the Ring (Its a Perfect Fit lol) At Iroff and Son

Me Trying on the Ring (Its a Perfect Fit lol) At Iroff and Son

This Sunday, me plus my girls LaTaunya and Emmerald, and the other 4 contestants meet at the jewelry store at Noon for a Scavenger Hunt!  First 1 to get back wins the ring! I am One Happy Girl Right Now!!

I gave you ALL of these details to say this, Every Day is a Blessing!  You Always have Something to Be Thankful For!  If you woke up this morning…that means you are Alive!! Be Thankful!  If, you are alive then your purpose on this earth has yet to be fulfilled….which means…. the Best is yet to Come!! (How Awesome Is That!!)  If you are reading this, then you have internet, so Be Thankful! (Because there are a lot of people who don’t.)  You have a roof over your head, food on the table, clothes on your back, a job, a wife/husband/significant other, children, a car, public transportation, a beautiful sunrise/sunset….The Air in Your Lungs, The Strength to Walk/Run/Workout, Eyes to See, Ears to Hear….Do you get it?!! #BeThankful!

Do Not let another minute, hour, day, week, month or year go by, that you don’t tell the ones you love how you feel. Or you don’t let someone know that you appreciate the little things that they do just because.  Smile at somebody just because you can, it may be the only thing good that happens to them all day.  Hold the door open for the person behind you, not because you have to, but because you can, it feels good and it doesn’t cost you anything to be nice.  Pay It forward!  Be A Blessing to someone else and watch the blessings be showered upon you! Life is Short! Live Out Loud!

So, tell me, What are you Thankful for today?  Leave me a comment and let me know! I would love to hear what makes you smile everyday!

Season’s of a Lifetime

To Become the Person  You Were Meant To Be

To Become the Person You Were Meant To Be

Let me start this by saying that if you have never met me in person then what you see on Facebook or any of my other social media profiles, is the very Positive, Optimistic, Happy, Motivational & Inspiring person. Or at least I hope that is what you get from my posts 🙂  What you may or may not pull from my posts, unless you do personally know me, is that I am a Very Matter of Fact, Blunt, to the point person, with no Edit button or filter.  Especially when I am speaking my mind on something that I am passionate about lol.  So with that being said, what I am about to write is strictly from my own personal experiences and nobody else’s. This is the only “Warning” label that will appear because this will be very candid and uncut.  If you read it and feel as I am talking about “You”, the probability that you are going thru the same things I have already gone thru is 210% True.  But believe me when I say I am only speaking about me at the moment in this post.  I would appreciate your thoughts and/or comments at the end and I Thank You in advance for taking your Time that you cant get back to come check out my world for just a few moments.

I am a firm believer that Everything in our lives happen for a reason. There are no accidents or coincidences. People that come into our life, come into it for a reason.  Some of those reason’s will last a Season and some will last a Lifetime. I am sure that we ALL have heard that saying at some point in our life. I am speaking mostly to the ladies here because, of course I am one & only know about how I feel lol, but if it strikes the men who read as a truth then hey, I have done my job well with this post then 🙂

When people come into our life, especially at a very difficult time, and they help us (or in our eyes), sometimes, we feel as if that person “Saved” our lives by being our friend during that dark time.  I went thru a very bad bout of depression a few years back. I was NOT Happy with my life, my body, my health, my job, generally just waking up and breathing pissed me off to no end. That was a very real thought.  Another very real thought was I just wanted to go to sleep and Never Wake Up.  I did not think any body would care, nor would they miss me.  Why?  Because, I know that if I knew me and was around me for 5 min, I would Not want to be any longer than that.  I was a Very Angry person, especially with myself.  I had every intention of taking a whole bottle of sleeping pills one afternoon.  Just going to sleep and never waking up. I Never said a word to anyone about my intentions.  But a friend called me that day. He got in my ASS. I don’t remember the whole conversation, but I remember very vividly, he said this, “I don’t know WTF is wrong with you but you need to get your head out of your Ass and get yourself together and now!  You are Not this co-dependent needy ass person that you are acting like and you are Not acting like the Tammy that I Fell In Love With! So WTFE is wrong with you…you need to fix it and right now! Because I can and will make a road trip to come kick your ass if that is what needs to happen.”

Needless to say, I burst into tears, told him he made me cry & asked if that made him happy? He said Good because I am not done yet and another thing…dahdahdahdah yada yada yada… was all I heard.  Because I knew Every Single Word he was saying was “TRUE“.  It Hurt like Hell! I cried uncontrollably while he continued to tell me what an Ass I was being.  It made me Soooooo Angry at myself but in a different way.  I will say though, before the end of the conversation, he made sure he made me laugh and asked me what was wrong.  I don’t really remember much of the convo at that point but I do know I Did Not tell him what my plans were before he had called. When we got off the phone I went and flushed the bottle of sleeping pills down the toilet.  I got in the shower and cried for about an hr. I got myself together and slowly started making changes in my life, one day at a time, to make me at least start to LIKE me again.

I bare my soul about this part in my life to get you to the topic of people come into our lives for a reason. That person is/was a dear friend of mine. We had been romantically involved on & off over the yrs until I met the Awesome man that I am in Love with now (and will be getting married soon. YaY!)  Until then though, I held on to him Desperately.  In my mind, he was the 1 that “I” felt like Saved my Life that one dark day. What I have come to realize since then, is that he was Open to Let God USE HIM to save my life. He did Not Save Me. God Saved Me. And I didn’t have a relationship with God then.  I didn’t think he would love me or care about me, much less, save me.  I used my friend as a safety net.  An excuse Not to let other men get close to me.   I was afraid that, if I did, I would lose my life line. The “What If” this doesn’t work out and I need him, he will not be there and then what?

What I have learned, and come to realize is this, GOD is the Only Life Line I Need. He was the one who Saved Me Then, Who saves me Every Single day that I wake up Breathing, which I am happy about doing these days by the way lol.  What I had to realize is that this person was only suppose to be in my life for a Specific Reason and only for a Season.  I had romanticized our relationship, (out of my own fear of being alone and/or the dark places I was saved from) to think that we were “Meant to be together“.  Ha! what an idiot thought that was lol.  He was used, in more ways than one, by God to Save my life.  To show me how to open my heart to Love again. To open myself to Love Again. To Open my Eyes to See Again. To lead me to the place where I would meet my soul mate who I was “Meant to Spend My Life With”.

I say all of this ladies, in hopes that you understand, that just because a man Helps you through a tough time, it does Not necessarily mean that he is suppose to be in your life for a LIFETIME. He was here for a reason, that may, in fact, only  last a season. But please, do not let that man stay when you SEE ALL the signs (even if you don’t want to openly admit it to yourself) that he is Meant to Move On. Not because he doesn’t love or care about you, but because he has served his purpose in your life.  Do not hold on to someone or something out of Fear of the future.  Fear is Not Real, Fear is a Choice. That person that your holding onto is Toxic to your Progress and Hinders you from becoming ALL that God has made you to be. Not because they themselves are toxic people, they are just toxic to your future, because they are Not Meant To Stay In Your Life Any More.

So Take the time to say goodbye in your heart.  Whatever that means to you. Whether that’s crying it out, writing in a journal, writing them a letter and saying thank you for what you did, but I know its time for us to move on, take care. You are not doing it for them, you are doing it for You! I pray that you understand what all this means and that you receive it the way it is meant and it helps you in some way. I am not saying it will happen over night or that it will be easy.  Because, like ALL Change, it will probably not be easy at all.  But I can promise you this, If you ask God to Help you cut the ties that are binding you, He Will Set You Free! He Will heal the Every Broken piece of your heart and soul all the way down into the deepest cracks that you probably didn’t even know existed.  And when he is done, you will be able to Breathe Again, let out a sigh of relief, look up and say…. Thank You God, I know You Got Me Now!

Love Appreciation

Life is not about each moment...But the Moments that Take Your Breath Away

Life is not about each moment…But the Moments that Take Your Breath Away

I wanna take a moment to talk about Love and Appreciation.  We all go through relationships on our road of life.  Some of them Good, some Bad, some Terrible and heart wrenching and the most Awesome of them all, the Love where you don’t think you will ever come down off of cloud 9,999,999,999 lol.  At the ripe old age of 46, I can tell you from personal experience I have been through each of those Love’s More than once.

This goes for men and women, even though I can only speak from the woman’s perspective.  As I mentioned in an earlier post about relationships titled “What Are You Allowing” I talked about how so many people grow up in single parent homes and the fathers, for whatever reason, are not a part of a child’s life.  To teach the boys to be men and how to treat a lady when they get older.  Nor to teach us girls, how we should be treated as ladies by a man.  I said “What you choose to Allow, you Give Permission to Exist“.

Today, I want to talk about the love that has you on top of the world.  I don’t care how great and wonderful your relationship is or how Awesome your partner makes you feel.  At some point in the relationship you are gonna hit a bump in the road or even head on into a brick wall.  That is part of life.  There is no running from it and No relationship is perfect from beginning to end.  When that rough time comes what are you gonna do?  Are you gonna say “Screw This” and give up even though you have been on the proverbial “Cloud 9” for a year or 2 or are you gonna dig your heals in and Love each other through it?

I am a Huge fan of R&B music, so needless to say I probably know just about every love song, break up song and baby making song they play on the radio & even more that they don’t that friends have turned me on to.  But there are a couple that just speak to me.  One that I’ve been listening to lately by Justin Timberlake, Mirrors.  He says “I don’t wanna lose tonight, I am looking right at the other half of me…….Show me How to fight for Love….coming back to you was easy once I figured it out, you were right here all the long“.  Yes I know I missed a Lot of words in there but I got the most important ones to get the point I am trying to make lol.

First, you need to figure out are you Really In Love, because if you’re not, what is the point in being together?  Staying together just because you don’t want to be alone is NOT the right decision (Please refer to your previous relationship baggage to figure out Why this is a horrible Idea).  Now, if you are in Love and you know deep down in your gut there is just not another person on this planet for you, then you have to Dig your heals in and Fight to hold on.  Like JT said in his song, “Show Me How To Fight For Love“.  Most guys don’t know how to fight for Love! Hell, most of them honestly don’t know How to express/show their love much less fight for it. (Sorry fellas *Shrugs*)  We can ALL be a pain in the behind.  There is gonna be things that you do that he hates and things he does that you hate.  Period!  The problem is that we (and Ladies I am talking to you right here) tend to over react on the little stuff so when the big stuff comes up…O-M-G!! Mt. Saint Helen’s has just erupted and you think there is No coming back from that, even though, just the day before, you were on cloud 999,999,999 and this was the man of your dreams.

Sometimes, you have to just Love each other through it.  You may not like them very much at the moment, but You Love them Way more than you dislike them.  Before you throw in the towel, I want you to do something for me.  Take a deep breath, let it out nice and slow.  Now, grab a pen & piece of paper.  I want you to write down Everything you APPRECIATE about your significant other. Their eyes, their hair, the way the walk, the sound of their voice, that they like to snuggle, He takes the trash out without you asking, She has dinner ready when you come home, the house is always clean, random text messages saying “I was just thinking of you and wanted to say I Love You” or a random picture message of what she has on waiting for you to get home (vavavavoom!)…you get the idea. Over the next 30 days, I want you to write at least 5 things Everyday that you APPRECIATE about your significant other.

I promise you this, that if it’s a Deep Real True Love, Then that list is going to be long and nothing else matters.  Know that it’s okay to be wrong.  It’s okay to say your sorry even if you know that you were not wrong.  It’s okay to ask for forgiveness even if it is something little.  But Always, Always Always…Say Thank You for Loving Me even when I wasn’t very loveable. Always Say, I Love You! Even when it hurts, your angry, upset or whatever.  Because even though things aren’t exactly the way you planned them out in your head a thousand times, you still Love them and more than anything else They Need to Know That in the Darkest Hours of your relationship.  Yesterday is a memory, tomorrow is a mystery, today is all we have so don’t let the breaths of each moment slip away when there is an opportunity for it to be turned into a Moment that Takes Your Breath Away!  That is when it ALL Becomes Worth it!  Show them how to fight for Love!

Hope this touches someones heart as it was weighing heavy on mine and needed to come out tonight!  Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to hear my heart tonight!  #BeBlessed