Fight Like Your Life Depends On It!!!!

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Fight like your “Life Depends On It!!!” Because, you know what, It Does!  I have not written in a few months.  Not, because time got in the way (well maybe a little, lol) but because the Wednesday after Thanksgiving, my mom passed away unexpectedly.  I had just seen her the Monday before Thanksgiving.  She was doing fine.  I fussed at her some because she was not taking her blood pressure meds like she was supposed to and she wasn’t eating regular either.  She had a couple of dizzy spells while I was there and that is when I found out about the eating and medicine.  I told her that I loved her and that I was too far away to get to her in a hurry if something happened.  I told her that I wanted to keep her around for a long time and Begged her to start eating right and taking her medicine on time.  She promised me she would.

Thanksgiving day everything was fine. The weekend was nothing special, watched football and enjoyed the down time of the holiday.  Then I got the call from my middle brother Scott.  Mom was in ICU on a ventilator.  She had a heart attack in her sleep when he found her.  They revived her but said to call the family because she wasn’t going to make it.  I drove like a bat out of Hell to get there.  That was probably the Hardest day of my life.  See, me and my brothers had to make the decision to take our mom off the ventilator that day.  We watched her take her last breath at 845am December 4th.  She never wanted to be on machines and we kept our promise to her to make sure she didn’t stay on them.  I was up for 41 hrs straight. Then, to schedule her cremation was the 2nd Hardest Day of my Life. Then the day I had to pick up her remains…. If it had not been for my Best Friend Michelle Killin, that Entire Week, I am not sure I would have emotionally survived it.  I know that everything happens for a reason and that mom didn’t suffer.  She went in her sleep and felt no pain, just like she always said she wanted to go.  The Greatest Blessing to come out of that was to bring our family back together.  We had our 1st family Christmas dinner in over 7 yrs.  Me and my oldest brother, Billy, renewed our friendship.  I even spent 4 days at his house with him, his wife Heather & my awesome nephews, Devyn, Seth & Brody!  We had a Great time.

Then when I got home Sunday night after I picked up mom’s remains, still more than a little emotional, I get a message from my man, basically telling me he doesn’t know what he wants to do about our relationship.  After almost 2 & half yrs…? Sooooo, needless to say, we are Not together any more.  All of the details, really do not even matter at this point, it’s just that in less than a week, I lost 2 Very Important people in my life.  Emotional roller coaster is not even in the same realm of what I was on the last 45 days of 2013.  But, 2014 is a New Year Baby! Its gonna be Amazing! I can Promise you that!

I’ve had good days and bad days as expected.  And now I would say, I have Pretty much 98.9% Good days with the occasional bad day thrown in just to keep me in check.  Thus, the reason for the title of this blog! “FIGHT LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT” 

See, a few years back, I had a really bad bout with depression.  So bad, in fact, I wanted to take a whole bottle of sleeping pills & never wake up.  At that time in my life, waking up & breathing, in general, pissed me off to no end.  I now refer to those days as “Living in the Dark Places“.  I have beat depression and with a LOT of work, self-development, determination, some Amazing Friends & Mentors, and Most of ALL God, using All of those people to hold on to me and bring me into the light! His Light! I wrote a lot in journals then, and still do.  Mostly to get those angry and hurting feelings out of me.  They were eating at my soul and I hated how I felt.  I still have those journals, as a reminder mostly, of what I went through and motivation to keep moving forward.  See, I had to FIGHT! Fight with everything that was within me, scratching, clawing, crying, screaming, running, crawling, determined with every inch of my soul, that I was going to Get my Life Back! I was going to Breathe Again! To Live a Real Life Again! To Love Again!

So, yes, My Life, literally, Depended on that Fight! So going through so much, right at the holidays, with so much loss, hurt & pain not only Sucked to no end, but in the back of my mind, I could hear the voices.  I could feel the darkness and shadows trying to squeeze all the air out of my lungs.  I would talk to myself, sometimes loud enough for people to turn their head and look at me, when I would say “You are Not gonna get me today“! I would shake my head and keep it moving.  I told my housemate, I will Not go back to the “Dark Places!”  I was, and some days, still am, In a Fight for My Life! You know why I fight? Because, I have 2 Awesome children and 3 even more Awesome Grands!  They Love Me almost as much as I Desperately Love Them!  They are the Reason I Breathe Every Day & the Reason I Fight! The other reason I fight…. is because I know I can help people! That is my Job! I Love What I Do!!! I Love my clients and my Friends! And With this story….

inspire

I want to Inspire People! Even if it’s just One! I want someone to say, “Because of you, I didn’t Give Up!”  God gave me the most Incredible Strength!  Sometimes I believe he thinks I am the Incredible Hulk lol.  I appreciate the confidence, truly I do, but there are days ,I wish he didn’t think I was Big, Green & Invincible lol.

Eminem has this new song out called “The Monster“.  It says, “I’m friends with the monster under my bed, I get along with the voices inside of my head, you’re trying to save me stop holding your breath, you think I’m crazy, you think I’m crazy, well that’s not fair”! The truth is, we ALL have voices in our head.  We either choose to ignore them, listen to them, run from them or tell them to Shut Up!  You have to admit, even if it’s just to yourself, sometimes they have some really Great Ideas,  lol.  We, can either Choose to let those voices demean & crush us, or we can Choose, to let them Inspire us to be the person God has destined us to be.

431433_297769193627349_204152432989026_756257_943112872_nSoooooo, Now, its time to put on my “Big Girl Shoes” and show the world that My God is Bigger than any problem that comes my way! He is there to Pick me Up when Life knocks Me Down!  At the end of the day, we all have a Two Choices.  When life kicks you in the face and knocks you down, are you gonna stay down and be a “Victim” or are you gonna Choose to Get Up & Fight Like Your Life Depends On It?!?!?!?!?!?  I hope that something in here helped you see that life does get better.  Life is not meant to be pain free.  Without the pain, the happiness & joy would have no meaning, nor would you appreciate those days.  God never said we would not have any trouble, in fact, he promised there would be hard times.  But he also said, he would pay you back for all your tears.  God’s word Never comes back Void! There is Light in the Darkness! I Know, because when I opened my eyes, I found it when I looked up & he wrapped his arms around me to shower me with his love.  Share with someone who needs a little ray of sunshine in their life today! I would love to know what you thought, so leave me a comment and lets chat! #BeBlessed

 

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