Season’s of a Lifetime

To Become the Person  You Were Meant To Be

To Become the Person You Were Meant To Be

Let me start this by saying that if you have never met me in person then what you see on Facebook or any of my other social media profiles, is the very Positive, Optimistic, Happy, Motivational & Inspiring person. Or at least I hope that is what you get from my posts 🙂  What you may or may not pull from my posts, unless you do personally know me, is that I am a Very Matter of Fact, Blunt, to the point person, with no Edit button or filter.  Especially when I am speaking my mind on something that I am passionate about lol.  So with that being said, what I am about to write is strictly from my own personal experiences and nobody else’s. This is the only “Warning” label that will appear because this will be very candid and uncut.  If you read it and feel as I am talking about “You”, the probability that you are going thru the same things I have already gone thru is 210% True.  But believe me when I say I am only speaking about me at the moment in this post.  I would appreciate your thoughts and/or comments at the end and I Thank You in advance for taking your Time that you cant get back to come check out my world for just a few moments.

I am a firm believer that Everything in our lives happen for a reason. There are no accidents or coincidences. People that come into our life, come into it for a reason.  Some of those reason’s will last a Season and some will last a Lifetime. I am sure that we ALL have heard that saying at some point in our life. I am speaking mostly to the ladies here because, of course I am one & only know about how I feel lol, but if it strikes the men who read as a truth then hey, I have done my job well with this post then 🙂

When people come into our life, especially at a very difficult time, and they help us (or in our eyes), sometimes, we feel as if that person “Saved” our lives by being our friend during that dark time.  I went thru a very bad bout of depression a few years back. I was NOT Happy with my life, my body, my health, my job, generally just waking up and breathing pissed me off to no end. That was a very real thought.  Another very real thought was I just wanted to go to sleep and Never Wake Up.  I did not think any body would care, nor would they miss me.  Why?  Because, I know that if I knew me and was around me for 5 min, I would Not want to be any longer than that.  I was a Very Angry person, especially with myself.  I had every intention of taking a whole bottle of sleeping pills one afternoon.  Just going to sleep and never waking up. I Never said a word to anyone about my intentions.  But a friend called me that day. He got in my ASS. I don’t remember the whole conversation, but I remember very vividly, he said this, “I don’t know WTF is wrong with you but you need to get your head out of your Ass and get yourself together and now!  You are Not this co-dependent needy ass person that you are acting like and you are Not acting like the Tammy that I Fell In Love With! So WTFE is wrong with you…you need to fix it and right now! Because I can and will make a road trip to come kick your ass if that is what needs to happen.”

Needless to say, I burst into tears, told him he made me cry & asked if that made him happy? He said Good because I am not done yet and another thing…dahdahdahdah yada yada yada… was all I heard.  Because I knew Every Single Word he was saying was “TRUE“.  It Hurt like Hell! I cried uncontrollably while he continued to tell me what an Ass I was being.  It made me Soooooo Angry at myself but in a different way.  I will say though, before the end of the conversation, he made sure he made me laugh and asked me what was wrong.  I don’t really remember much of the convo at that point but I do know I Did Not tell him what my plans were before he had called. When we got off the phone I went and flushed the bottle of sleeping pills down the toilet.  I got in the shower and cried for about an hr. I got myself together and slowly started making changes in my life, one day at a time, to make me at least start to LIKE me again.

I bare my soul about this part in my life to get you to the topic of people come into our lives for a reason. That person is/was a dear friend of mine. We had been romantically involved on & off over the yrs until I met the Awesome man that I am in Love with now (and will be getting married soon. YaY!)  Until then though, I held on to him Desperately.  In my mind, he was the 1 that “I” felt like Saved my Life that one dark day. What I have come to realize since then, is that he was Open to Let God USE HIM to save my life. He did Not Save Me. God Saved Me. And I didn’t have a relationship with God then.  I didn’t think he would love me or care about me, much less, save me.  I used my friend as a safety net.  An excuse Not to let other men get close to me.   I was afraid that, if I did, I would lose my life line. The “What If” this doesn’t work out and I need him, he will not be there and then what?

What I have learned, and come to realize is this, GOD is the Only Life Line I Need. He was the one who Saved Me Then, Who saves me Every Single day that I wake up Breathing, which I am happy about doing these days by the way lol.  What I had to realize is that this person was only suppose to be in my life for a Specific Reason and only for a Season.  I had romanticized our relationship, (out of my own fear of being alone and/or the dark places I was saved from) to think that we were “Meant to be together“.  Ha! what an idiot thought that was lol.  He was used, in more ways than one, by God to Save my life.  To show me how to open my heart to Love again. To open myself to Love Again. To Open my Eyes to See Again. To lead me to the place where I would meet my soul mate who I was “Meant to Spend My Life With”.

I say all of this ladies, in hopes that you understand, that just because a man Helps you through a tough time, it does Not necessarily mean that he is suppose to be in your life for a LIFETIME. He was here for a reason, that may, in fact, only  last a season. But please, do not let that man stay when you SEE ALL the signs (even if you don’t want to openly admit it to yourself) that he is Meant to Move On. Not because he doesn’t love or care about you, but because he has served his purpose in your life.  Do not hold on to someone or something out of Fear of the future.  Fear is Not Real, Fear is a Choice. That person that your holding onto is Toxic to your Progress and Hinders you from becoming ALL that God has made you to be. Not because they themselves are toxic people, they are just toxic to your future, because they are Not Meant To Stay In Your Life Any More.

So Take the time to say goodbye in your heart.  Whatever that means to you. Whether that’s crying it out, writing in a journal, writing them a letter and saying thank you for what you did, but I know its time for us to move on, take care. You are not doing it for them, you are doing it for You! I pray that you understand what all this means and that you receive it the way it is meant and it helps you in some way. I am not saying it will happen over night or that it will be easy.  Because, like ALL Change, it will probably not be easy at all.  But I can promise you this, If you ask God to Help you cut the ties that are binding you, He Will Set You Free! He Will heal the Every Broken piece of your heart and soul all the way down into the deepest cracks that you probably didn’t even know existed.  And when he is done, you will be able to Breathe Again, let out a sigh of relief, look up and say…. Thank You God, I know You Got Me Now!

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